24/40

How did we start talking about weight? It's unclear. Perhaps we were simply analysing Santa Claus' chimney challenge.

Setting: a third year group. Average age: nine.

There are two plump kids in this class. They are much bigger than the rest, with red faces and rounded bellies. It takes them more effort to dash about the playground, they tend to wave their arms about, and one of the hands always holds a sandwich. I've seen sandwiches made of two thick slices of bread with a slab of chocolate in the middle.

They may not run fast, but they can TALK! The classroom buzzes with their chatter.

Just now a very small girl says proudly: 'I weigh 23 kilos', and they both jump in:
The plump boy, just as proud: 'I weigh 40!'
The big girl, just as plump as the boy, just as proud as the others: 'I weigh 24.'

Now, this is glaringly unlikely. In silence, the class glances from the skinny girl, to the big boy, to Miss 24/40. Then back to the skinny girl, who – next to them – looks like a day-old chick next to a pair of fluffed up turkeys.

Our heroine grasps the dilemma and adds with nonchalance:
'I weighed 40 kilos too, last week, but I've dropped down to 24 since. I went on a diet... '

Mute disbelief all around. I hasten to add that we shouldn't be obsessed about weight and diets. I put in a 'healthy food and exercise' mantra for good measure.

'Yes, I ate a few apples' – the big girl continues with glee – 'and now I weigh 24 kilos!'.

Nobody contradicts her. It may be because they're sleepy after lunch, it may be because they're kind. It may be that they don't care, they take everyone as they are.

Whatever it is, it's why I like them, and it's also a good time to change the subject and practice some plurals.